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สวัสดีครับ

       ผมให้โจทย์ตัวเองว่า ให้หา story ที่มีลักษณะครบ 3 อย่าง คือ (1) ง่าย (2) สั้น และ (3) สนุก เพื่อนำมาให้ท่านที่ต้องการฝึก reading ได้ฝึกอย่างสนุก แต่พอลงมือหาแล้วก็พบว่า มันหาได้ไม่ง่าย ๆ อย่างที่คิด เพราะเท่าที่เจอ  เรื่องที่ง่ายก็ไม่ค่อยจะสนุก เป็นเนื้อหาแบบเด็ก ๆ ที่ simple เกินไป, ส่วนเรื่องที่สนุกก็อ่านไม่ง่ายหรือยาวเกินไป จะหา story ที่มีครบ 3 อย่างทำได้ยากอยู่เหมือนกัน นอกจาก 3 ลักษณะนี้  มันมีอีก 1 อย่างที่ผมอยากได้ด้วย คือ ให้เนื้อเรื่องมัน clean สักหน่อย อย่าให้มันทะลึ่งนัก แต่เงื่อนไขตั้ง 4 ข้อนี้รู้สึกว่าจะขอมากเกินไป หายากครับ

แต่พอผมไปเจอ 2 ลิงค์นี้

• http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/33906-five-funny-short-stories/
• http://academictips.org/blogs/funny-short-stories/

ผมจึงได้ข้อสรุปว่า ใน www นี้ มี story มากมายที่แม้จะยากไปสักนิด ยาวไปสักหน่อย แต่ถ้าท่านอดทนอ่านสักนิด  ก็จะได้เครื่องมือฝึก reading skill ที่สนุกสนานมากมาย ไม่รู้จบสิ้น ผมคัดมา 50 เรื่องให้ท่านลองอ่านดู ซึ่งผมเห็นว่า สนุกทุกเรื่อง แม้ว่าบางเรื่องจะทะลึ่งบ้าง บางเรื่องก็แซวหรือเสียดสี ซึ่งก็เป็นธรรมดาของ Joke Story

 

Story # 1 

Mouthology:

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?

The sailor said no to all his questions.

Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?

The professor said no.

Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

 

Story # 2

Elephant:

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”

 

Story # 3
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Story # 4
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Story # 5
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Story # 6
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Story # 7
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullsh.it might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. 

 

Story # 8

The child and his mother:

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

 

Story # 9

Wrong email address:

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

 

Story # 10

Will’s experience at the airport:

After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.

She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.

Then she asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”

Story # 11

Clever kids:

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.

A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

 

Story # 12

The teacher asks Jimmy:

Teacher: “Jimmy, why aren’t you writing?”
Jimmy: “I don’t has a pencil.”
Teacher: “Jimmy, that’s not a correct sentence. The correct way is: I don’t have a pencil; he doesn’t have a pencil; we don’t have a pencil.”
Jimmy: “Who stole all the pencils then?”

 

Story # 13

3 men died and went up to heaven. The guy at the gate said “The better you were to your wife, the better kind of car you’ll get.”

The first guy was very loyal to his wife and got a Ferrari. The second man fought with his wife so he got a broken down car. The last guy cheated on his wife dozens of times so he got a scooter.

One day the guy on the scooter saw the guy in the Ferrari crying. He asked him, “Why are you crying?”

He answered, “I just saw my wife on roller skates.”

 

Story # 14

Mia, Cathy, Edward, David and John all decided to go for a walk in the jungle one day. Upon their stroll, they came across a pit of quick sand. It was way too long to jump over, and much too wide to go around. It had already taken them an hour to get this far, and none of them wanted to turn back.

“What are we going to do?” asked Cathy.

Just as she finished her sentene, a genie appeared.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “You can all walk across the quick sand without sinking, as long as you’re not gay.”

So, first Mia went across, and she didn’t sink. Then Edward walked across, and he didn’t sink. Then Cathy walked across, and she didn’t sink. The three of them then looked back to find John’s neck deep in the quick sand.

“John, you’re gay?” asked Mia.

“No,” he stated “David is holding onto my pants!”

 

Story # 15

There was a couple…the lady was very talkative and she kept talking with people on the phone hour after hour when she is alone at home.

End of everymonth they used to get a massive telephone bill and the husband was so worried on this.

One day they were dining at the table and the phone rang..

The lady’s reaction was immediate…she ran to the phone and started chatting..

After about 30-min she hang up and came back to the table.

The husband was happy that she hang up in 30 min which was a good sign where she normally doesn’t hung up at least for 2-hours. So he happily inquired…was she busy to hang up so early???

No..it was a wrong number.. replied the lady..

 

Story # 16

An 80-year old man walks into the doctor’s office for his regular check-up.

The doctor says to him, “Ahh, Ted, how are you feeling?”

“Great,” says the old man. “I have an 18-year old wife, and she’s pregnant with my child.”

The doctor gives a concerned look and says to Ted, “Ted, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and one early morning, he goes out hunting, but is in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a
lion. He aims at the lion with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The lion falls dead to the ground.”

“What?!” cries the old man. “Why? that’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion.”

“Exactly!” says the doctor.

 

Story # 17

Man at restaurant: Excuse me waiter, could you come here?
Waiter: Is everything okay?
Man: Everything is fine, but would you please try my soup?
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir, we really can’t do that.
Man: No I won’t say anything, please try my soup.
Waiter: Well, is there something wrong with the soup?
Man: No, but will you please try the soup?!
Waiter: Okay, okay… Where’s the spoon?
Man: Ah-hah.

 

Story # 18

เรื่องนี้ขำแบบเสียดสี

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.”

The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.”

The reporter says, “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies, I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: “U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”

….and THAT pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days…

 

Story # 19

เรื่องนี้ขำด้วยภาษา

The teacher asked his students to draw a ring and as expected, all drew objects with circular shape. However, one little boy drew a square.

“Why did you draw a square?” The teacher asked.

“Mine is a Boxing Ring, sir.” The boy replied. 

 

Story # 20

เรื่องนี้ขำการเมือง

Once upon a time, a man from America, a man from Nigeria and a man from China were involved in an argument.

Chinese man: My country is the most improved country in the world. The day you conduct election, the next day you will know the winner.

American man: It is a lie, it is a lie! My country, the day you conduct election, that day you know the winner.

Nigerian man: As far as I am concerned, you are all joking. In my country, before the actual election, we know the winner!!!

 

Story # 21

เรื่องนี้ก็ขำด้วยภาษา

The teacher asked, “What is the chemical formula for water?”

A student raises his hand and answers, “HIJKLMNO”!!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, “What on earth are you talking about?”

Student answers, “Yesterday you said it was H to O!”

 

Story # 22

A chemistry professor wanted to teach the 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, as happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded…

“Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”

 

Story # 23

Once a Japanese came to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a taxi and asked the driver to take him to the airport.

On the way, a Toyota car passed them very fast, the Japanese yelled “Toyota” made in Japan very fast. Then the Mitsubishi passed, the Japanese again yelled “Mitsubishi” made in Japan very fast. On the 3rd time, he yelled again when he saw another Japanese car.

The taxi driver got angry but he didn’t say anything.

When they reached the airport, the taxi driver asked a charge of 800 rupees. The Japanese exclaimed: “What! That is too much.”

The Indian driver yelled back loudly: Meter, made in India, very, very fast!

 

Story # 24

Once I was travelling in a taxi, the taxi driver said: “I am very happy with this job. I am my own boss and nobody can order me what to do.”

Then I said: “Take left.” 

 

Story # 25

Wife to husband: Darling, doctor suggested me to go to Switzerland or Paris for relaxation, where shall we go?

Husband: Other doctor!

 

Story # 26

ขำสั้น ๆ ฟังแล้วถ้าคิดมากเจ็บลึก

A: Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

 

Story # 27

Historians from US, UK and India were trying to boost how developed their ancient civilization used to be.

UK historians: We dug and found out copper cable led all along major ancient cities, this concludes we were using telephones since long back.

US historians: That’s it!! Dude, we dug and found out optical fiber. We were much more advanced in telecommunication since long back.

Indian historians: Pity on you people, actually we dug and dug deep, but found nothing. This of course concludes we were using wireless communication since that era. 

 

Story # 28

นี่ก็ตลกภาษา

One day as I was at a Chinese shop, there came a student who was on her vacation.

“Excuse me sir, do you have any vacancy?” asked the girl.

The Chinese man while looking at the things he was selling, said: “Ah madam, vacancy no have, only have vacuum.”

vacancy = ตำแหน่งว่างที่จะรับคนเข้าทำงาน

vacuum= เครื่องดูดฝุ่น

 

Story # 29

One day a woman was waiting for a bus. It comes and she walks in and the bus driver says “Wow, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!”

So the women sits down and she says to the man next to her “The bus driver just insulted me!”

The man says “You go talk to him, just go, l’ll hold your monkey for you”.

 

Story # 30

ตลกเรื่องนี้มีข้อให้คิด

One day, 4 people were on a small aeroplane, a captain, a priest, a boy scout, and a smartest man in the world.

They were all eating a nice meal until the pilot came out and said, “This plane is about to crash. Grab a parachute and jump!”

The pilot then grabbed a parachute and jumped off. The smartest man in the world said, “I need that parachute, the world needs my knowledge” and so he jumped off.

The priest said, “Boy you take that last parachute, the world doesn’t need me, I am just an old priest.”
The boy scout said, “No, what are you talking about? There are 2 parachutes left.”

“What?” – the priest.

“It is correct, the smartest man in the world took my backpack.” – responded the boy scout. 

 

Story # 31

หักมุม

Three construction workers were eating lunch on construction beams some stories high. One was Mexican, another was Italian, and the last was American. Each was upset about the same lunch they always got: the Mexican – tacos, the Italian – spaghetti, and the American – sandwiches.

So, the Mexican said, “If I get tacos for lunch one more time, I will jump.”
The Italian then said, “If I get spaghetti for lunch one more time, I’m gonna jump.”
The American then said, “If I get a sandwich for lunch one more time, I’ll jump.”

The next day, the Mexican got tacos, the Italian got spaghetti, and the American got a sandwich, so all three jumped from the building. At their funerals, the three wives were seen attending:

The Mexican’s wife sobbed, “If I had known he didn’t want tacos for lunch I wouldn’t have packed him any!”
The Italian’s wife cried, “If I had known he didn’t want spaghetti for lunch I wouldn’t have made it for him!”
The American’s wife said, “Don’t look at me, he packed his own lunch!”

 

Story # 32

เรื่องนี้เป็นตลกคำศัพท์โดยแท้

The Importance of the BRA:

Q: Which is the striped BRA?
zeBRA
Q: Poisonous BRA?
coBRA
Q: Mathematical BRA?
algeBRA
Q: Sunsign BRA?
liBRA
Q: Magical BRA?
aaBRA ka daBRA
Q: Religious BRA?
BRAhmin
Q: Metallic bra?
BRAss
Q: Anjelina Jolie’s Bra?
BRAd Pitt
Q: Botany BRA?
BRAnch
Q: Marketing BRA?
BRAnd
Q: Puctuation bra?
BRAcket
Q: A room where BRA’s are kept?
LiBRAry
Q: Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world?
aBRAham Lincoln
Q: Which bra is very important for any vehicle?
BRAke

AND U THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE BRA, How BRAin less.

 

Story # 33

ขำทะลึ่งนิดหน่อย

An elderly couple was watching a show where a preacher was talking about the healing powers of God.

“To all of those who are ailed by some sickness, place your hand on the screen & I will heal you!” the preacher exclaimed.

The old lady, who was having some stomach problems, placed her hand on the top of the TV.

The old man placed his hand on the TV also, then stuck his hand deep into his pants. His wife looks over at him and says, “Gordon, the preacher is talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead!”

 

Story # 34

An old man had a pond in the back of his yard. Near the pond was a tree full of fruit. One day, the man decided to go to his yard to pick fruit.

He forgot to bring a bucket so he went back inside to take it. When he went back to his yard, he discovered several ladies skinny dipping in the pond.

The ladies screamed to the old man, “We are not coming out until you leave!”

The old man held up the bucket and yelled back, “Don’t worry, I am just here to feed the alligators in the pond.”

skinny-dipping= การเปลือยกายว่ายน้ำ

 

Story # 35

แซวคนแก่ขี้ลืม

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won’t forget?”

“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”

“Well,” says the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.” “My memory’s not all that bad,” says the husband. “No problem — a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don’t need to write it down.”

He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.

She looks at the plate and asks, “Hey, where’s the toast I asked for?”

 

Story # 36

หักมุมได้ขำมาก

Once upon a time, there was an old couple (both 80 years old) celebrating their 60th marriage aniversary at a very fancy restaurant.

A little fairy show up and said: “I’m so impress by your true love, I wanted to give each one of you a wish. Ma’am, what would you like to wish for? ”

Lady: “I want to have a cruise with my lovely husband to the rest of the world.”

Fairy: “Granted.” POOM….2 tickets showed up on their table.

Fairy: “Sir, what would you like to wish for?”

Old man: “Sigh…..sorry, honey please forgive me, I want to have a wife that is 60 years younger than me.”

The fairy was all mad, the wife was crying and sad.

Fairy: “OK, Granted.”

POOM….turned the old guy into 140 years old.

 

Story # 37

A missing person

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”

The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”

 

Story # 38

A man was very lonely and wanted to take a walk outside, so he went out and saw a sign that said for sale, a talking caterpillar!

The man was very interested so he went inside, bought the caterpillar, and went home.

He took off the lid and saw the caterpillar, looked no different than a normal one, so the man wanted to see if a caterpillar can actually talk. The man said, “Do you want to go to church with me?”

The caterpillar said nothing.

The man said it again, but louder. And still the caterpillar said nothing. So the man was getting irritated, so he stood up and cleared his throat and screamed out “Do you want to go to church with me?!”

The caterpillar turned around and said “I heard you the first time, I was just putting on my shoes!”

 

Story # 39

Elephant:

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”

 

Story # 40

ขำให้คิด

Mother: Akpos I’m sorry I slept with someone that is not your dad 23 years ago. And that person is your real father.

Akpos: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this?!

Mother: I am sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him… because we are of different religion. He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever.

Akpos: No I am speaking to no one. Bob is the only father I know and so will that be.

Mother: Please don’t be so upset. Just talk to him.

Akpos: Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind!
Akpos: Hello

Caller: Morning Son, I am Bill Gates. I am your real father.

Akpos: Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! Love u so much Dad!!!!! I’ve been looking for you for so long.

 

Story # 41

คนแต่งเรื่องนี้ช่างคิดจริง ๆ โยง 2 เรื่องที่ไม่เกี่ยวข้องกันได้

A Nigerian lady married a Chinese guy. They had a baby girl but after 3 months the baby died.

The mother of the Nigerian lady came to visit them, but she was just shouting; I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

A neighbor noticed her shouting, called her outside and asked her what and she replied; I knew that China products do not last!!!

 

Story # 42

There was a manager and his secretary. One day, the manager came to work well dressed but forgot to put a zip on his trouser. When he came to the office, the secretary who was a young beautiful lady asked him that Sir, why did you left your compound and forgot to close your gate.

The manager response so you pass there and my gate was open, the secretary said yes.

So the manager took a walk back to his house but on the way he met and old man and the many told him to zip his trouser. So the manager now understood what the secretary was trying to tell him and went back to the office and asked the secretary that when you saw my compound opened did you see any hummer jeep parked in my compound?

The secretary said I saw but one little Toyota and two flat tires.

 

Story # 43

ท่านว่าตลกเรื่องนี้มันจริงหรือเปล่า

HUSBANDS FOR SALE:

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you can not go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find one.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh… and to all the women who can handle the truth!

 

Story # 44

ทะลึ่งซอฟต์แวร์

A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming… she told her lover to stay like a robot and not to move.

Husband: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot, I bought to have sex with when you are travelling…

Husband: Okay…Lets have sex now…
Wife: No sweetheart… yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you…

After she left the husband said: Damn I am so horny, I will f*ck this robot…he tried f*cking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way…

“SYSTEM ERROR…WRONG HOLE, SYSTEM ERROR… WRONG HOLE…”

Husband: Damn robot is not working properly…I am throwing it out of the window…The man realized that he was on the 20th floor and said…

“SOFTWARE UPDATED…PLEASE TRY AGAIN…”

 

Story # 45

During the crusades a man decided to go on a campaign. He made a chastity belt and put it on his wife. Then he went to his friend and gave him a key saying: “I’m off to the join the crusades. If I don’t come back please release my wife with this key.”

Off he went and after a couple of hours riding his horse he sees another horseman chasing after him. He stops and realises its his friend. “What’s the matter?” he asks and the friend responded: “You gave me the wrong key.”

 

Story # 46

Experimental Psychology

A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine’s Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?”

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean? $300?”

 

Story # 47

เรื่องเพศศึกษาและเรื่องภาษา

So who’s at fault? A mother gave her 13 year old daughter some sex education.

Mother: Princess! If anybody touches your breasts, say “DON’T” and if he touches “this place” too, say “STOP PLEASE!!!”
The girl said yes Mum!! A few months later she got pregnant, and her Mummy got so furious. She asked her daughter how she allowed a man to do this to her after all the sex education…

Mom: “Where did he first touch you?”
Daughter: “Mum he touched my breasts and “this place” at the same time, and….”
Mother: “Uhuh! and what?”
Daughter: “Mum and I said “DON’T STOP PLEASE!”

 

Story # 48

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?”
“Ten,” she replied.
“What are their names?” he asked.
“David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David,” she answered.
“They’re all named David?” he asked “What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just call ‘David,’ and they all come running in.”
“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”
“I just say, ‘David, come eat your dinner’,” she answered.
“But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just use their last name!”

 

Story # 49

เด็กคนนี้ฉลาดมาก

Smart kid.
At school.

Pre school teacher: Class, whoever answers my question will be the first to leave the class for breaktime.

Little Johnny with excitement grab his things and throw it out the classroom.

Pre school teacher: (Annoyed) Who threw that bag?

Little Johnny: I did! (then he stood up and said) bye classmates!! Bye ma’am..

 

Story # 50

ตลกภาษา
Several nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out. The nuns took their habits off and tied them together to make a rope to get out of the building via the window.

After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and said to her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broken since they are old?"

"No," replied the old nun "don't you know...
...old habits are hard to break?"

Habit = 1.นิสัย 2.ชุดคลุมยาวที่แม่ชีฝรั่งสวม

 

พิพัฒน์

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